


When she was just a girl, she expected the world

by tomlinbum



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Angst, Death, M/M, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-07
Updated: 2013-02-07
Packaged: 2017-11-28 11:34:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/673937
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tomlinbum/pseuds/tomlinbum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Lou,” Harry’s voice rings into Louis’s ear and Louis instantly knows something’s wrong. Harry’s voice feels crackly and shaky and likes he’s been crying and he sounds like he’s panicking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	When she was just a girl, she expected the world

**Author's Note:**

> NOTEEEEEEE: this is sad i just i hate myself ok but it has a happy-ish ending so give it a chance

“Lou,” Harry’s voice rings into Louis’s ear and Louis instantly knows something’s wrong. Harry’s voice feels crackly and shaky and likes he’s been crying and he sounds like he’s panicking.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” Louis asks, as calm as he can. When Harry gets this way – sad and depressing – he has to be calm or else who will be?

“I- I. I can’t – I just – Lou. I want you to know I love you, yeah? I love you so, so, so much,” Harry sobs and he’s crying even more now. Louis can make out the faint noise of rushing water in the distance and wonders for a moment where the hell Harry is and what’s upsetting him.

“Baby, baby. I want you to take a deep breath, yeah? Take a deep breath for me baby,” Louis says, cooing into the phone so that he can hopefully calm Harry down.

“Are you breathing in and out deep for me, baby?” Louis asks after a moment.

“Yeah,” Harry says and his voice sounds a little less hectic, but still as shaky and sad as it was when he’d first rang Louis.

“Okay, now, I want you to tell me what’s wrong, okay? Can you do that for me, Harry? Can you tell me what’s wrong, love?” Louis asks, slowly and carefully. He doesn’t want to shock Harry and make him become a sobbing mess once more.

“I- I. I can’t do this anymore, Lou. I just can’t,” Harry says and he’s crying again, heavier sobs raking his body. Louis can hear him sniffling and trying to gasp for air, his crying becoming too prominent.

“You can’t what, baby? Tell me what you can’t do anymore. I’ll help you, yeah? I’ll fix it.  _We’ll_  fix it,” Louis says, trying his hardest to calm Harry down. But it isn’t working and he has no clue of what to do.

“You can’t fix everything, Lou. This isn’t – I have to fix this myself, yeah? I have to do this myself. I just – I needed to talk to you. Needed to hear your voice for a mo’,” Harry says, sniffling again and Louis notices he’s stopped crying a bit.

“Yeah, yeah. I love you, baby. I do. I love you, so much. You’re my beautiful boy, yeah? You know that right, Haz? You know I’d do anything for you?” Louis asks, knowing that when Harry’s in a state like this, he likes to be reminded about how much Louis loves him and what Louis loves most about him.

“Yeah – I. Yeah, I know,” Harry replies, another sniffle coming from his side of the line.

“Love you when you’re happy the most, love your smile. Your beautiful, beautiful smile, baby. Every time you smile I feel like my knees are going weak and like I can’t breathe. You always have that effect on me, baby. Always making me weak at the knees,” Louis murmurs, wishing Harry was lying beside where he’s seated on the sofa so he could take Harry’s tear stained face between his hands and kiss away all of Harry’s salty tears and whisper all of his perfections into his skin. But Harry isn’t here, at the moment, so he’s stuck with trying to get Harry to understand how much he loves him through the phone.

“You think I’m beautiful?” Harry asks, crying once more.

Louis shushes him, “Shh, baby. Don’t cry. Smile for me, love, smile like the beautiful boy you are. I love how when you smile all big and happy and your dimples poke out. I love your dimples, perfect dimples for a perfect boy.”

“’m not perfect,” Harry mumbles in reply.

Louis sighs, “But you are to me, baby. You’re so perfect to me. I love you, so much. I love my perfect little beautiful boy.”

“I love you too, baby,” Harry replies, his voice cracking towards the middle of the sentence. Louis hears a rush of air and wonders if Harry is just breathing really hard or if he’s in the wind somewhere now. He hears the faint noise of a car door being slammed shut and the sound of rushing water is louder in his ears. He starts to panic.

“Baby, what’s that – what’s that noise?” Louis asks, his voice shaky.

“I can’t do this anymore, Lou, I just wanted you to know that I love you. I do, I love you so much. So fucking much that it actually hurts sometimes. And this isn’t your fault. It was never your fault. I want you to move on as soon as I’m gone. I don’t want you to miss me, okay? I want you to find someone new, someone you can actually love fully. Someone who isn’t as fucked up as me. I don’t want you to cry, I don’t want you to hate yourself or try to hurt yourself, yeah? And don’t do anything stupid. I want you to be happy. I love you, so, so, so much. Just – please don’t forget that,” Harry’s voice comes out shakily through the phone and the sound of waves crashing becomes louder and louder in Louis’s ear on every word.

“Harry, baby, please, please don’t,” Louis almost screams into the phone, praying – fucking praying – that this is some kind of sick, twisted joke.

“I’m sorry,” is all Louis hears and then the sound of wind is unbearably loud in his ear and he hears a crash in water and the phone shuts off.

———

Louis calls Liam – knows that Liam will be rational and calm and drive Louis to where he knows Harry’s at and hopefully will get them there quickly without killing either of them and before Harry has actually offed himself. Louis cringes at the thought of Harry actually fucking trying to off himself and he starts crying even more.

They get into the car, driving to the beach and Louis calls 999 while they’re on their way, screaming hysterically into the phone line about “boyfriend” and “I think he just jumped off of a cliff”.

When they get to the beach, the paramedics are there already, fishing Harry’s lifeless body out of the ocean and placing him on a gurney.

Louis fights with the police officers holding him back, screams at them to let him go, and hits and kicks them, trying to pry them off of him, but they don’t let go until Harry’s body is inside of the ambulance and the ambulance is starting to drive off.

They make the mistake of letting Louis go then. Louis makes a run for it, ignoring Liam’s shouts of “Louis! Louis stop!” from behind him, the only thought on his mind at the moment consisting of needing to be with Harry, needing to hold his hand and tell him he better not be dead. That he needs to be around Harry and pray his heart out for Harry to be alive.

Louis is so worried about catching up to the ambulance and being with Harry that he doesn’t hear the truck coming up behind him.

———

Louis doesn’t feel anything, doesn’t really notice he’s been hit by a truck until he’s standing over his own body and can hear Liam screaming and running toward him and another ambulance coming.

 _Too late, I’m already dead,_ he thinks, as the second ambulance scoops up his body and puts him on a gurney, pushing it into the ambulance, Liam being the one trying to fight and get inside of the ambulance now, instead of Louis.

“Didn’t I tell you not to do anything stupid?” someone asks from behind him. They sound tired and a bit disappointed, but happy all the same.

“ _Harry_.”


End file.
